Where Do Foster Children Come From?
Foster children are the result of the society we just discussed. When I said that it takes only two loving parents to raise a child, there was a large assumption inherent in that statement The assumption, of course, is that two loving parents exist in a kid’s life. Given today’s society a high percentage of children do not have that luxury.
children are generated by our society’s motives. I have, many times, been asked the following question by foster children, "If my mother didn’t want me, why did she have me?" The reason most foster children put it that way is because the father is not, nor has ever been, in the picture.
The only parent the child knows is their mother (I use the word mother only in the sense that this woman carried and bore the child. Generally, she is in no sense a mother) In the U S society today, it has become more and more the case where the father is not necessary Why is that? The basic reason is that (as in many other instances in our society), the Government has taken the place of the father. The woman no longer needs the father’s income because the Government provides that. Can the government offer love, caring, nurturing, guidance and all the other things a kid requires? Obviously not, so it (the government) ought to stay out of the picture. Back to the question!
When the foster child asks that question, he is really asking a great many questions in one. The children are lacking a family relationship that involves two parents and the children. Never having had that relationship, they are really asking, "How come you have a home with two parents who seem to love each other, who seem to work together, who seem to respect each other, who seem to love their children and who seem to love me? What happened to ME having all that?" How does a foster parent relate to that and to answer the question in a rational, unemotional way?
We have found that it is essential to relate to the child as though the birth
mother (and Dad, in the rare case where there is a dad in the picture) is not at fault. Generally the dad is a step-father (who in a high percentage of the cases is abusive). The foster children have only one family member tie, the mother. To destroy that one remaining thread cuts the only thing the kid may have. We talk in terms of; "It wasn’t your Mom’s fault. She did her best. She gave you up because she felt it was the best thing for you. She did not feel she could give you what you needed to get along in the world and grow up to be a credit to society." We frequently feel the exact opposite but it gains nothing to castigate the child’s birth parents. The object is to get the kids on your side so you can help them; not alienate them by denigrating their birth parents. Most kids, given time, may recognize on their own what their birth parents are really like.
Credits: Excepted from "There Are No Bad Kids," (c) Chuck Slate