Foster Care Book: Chapter 17
Chapter 17 - Recognition of Their Situation
Many of the children are in denial and refuse to accept the reason for their situation. Depending upon the reason the child is in foster care, their denial may take different forms. If the child is in foster care because they were abused and Social Services took them out of the home, they cannot recognize the problem. Whatever happened to them, which caused Social Services action, has been normal with them probably since birth, therefore it must be all right.
We have had children whom we took as a respite for the parent(s). One boy, who was sixteen, was placed in our care because he had a row with his mom and they were ready to do bodily harm to each other. We kept the boy for two weeks. At the end of that time the mom came to pick him up (she had convinced Social Services that she could now handle it). She brought with her a thank you card, a rose and a cake. She thanked us over and over. As they were leaving, they hugged and told each other how much they loved one another. I told the woman, "Raising a teenager is like a marriage, you have to work at it." Her comment was, "The marriage didn’t work too well!"
We do our best to become involved in the school system. We try to take part in setting up their classes, their extra curricular activities and school discipline. We have many times been complimented by the schools. They frequently tell us we take more interest in our foster kids’ school activities than most birth parents. We feel that is essential for several reasons: It shows the kid that we are interested in their education, it shows the school that we can be relied upon to take action, if necessary, it shows the school and the child that we will take disciplinary action in conjunction with the school, if necessary and it relieves the burden from the ease worker. The foster parent is an advocate for the foster child.
Many of the children have been suspended from school for various reasons. Some of them have been in ’Home Bound’ schooling that, to us, is a farce. The children who are in public school are generally only in class for less than five hours per day. The home bound kids are in class for two hours per day (or less) four days a week. The instructors think nothing of cutting class short on any given day (I can only handle this kid for an hour) and are not at all embarrassed by taking time off or canceling the tutoring session at any opportunity. The Home Bound children also get out of school earlier in the summer than the public schools. Why? It would seem that the Home Bound school should be in session year round to make up for all the time they are missing. How can a Home Bound school provide as much education as the public school children when they spend so little time in school?
We volunteer for a great many organizations and take part in many community activities. Kids who are not in school tend to cause us a great deal of inconvenience (as if foster kids were not inconvenient to start with). The schools (mostly because of federal restrictions) are doing a terrible job when it comes to discipline. Discipline, of course, starts at home but if the parents do not or cannot provide the necessary discipline, the schools are left with no choice. The idea that the school must get the ’bad actors’ out of the classroom so the other children can learn is certainly the right approach but suspending the children from school is not! The bad actors want to be suspended because they obviously do not take an interest in learning. Making them leave the school is exactly what they want. How does that solve the problem? Suspending both kids for fighting is also not the right approach. If a child is attacked by another, he has a perfect right to defend himself and certainly should not be ’found guilty’ and suspended as may be true for the attacker. Kids (especially boys) have always and always will) get into physical fights. The human being is an animal and during the puberty years they act like it, the same as all animals. Should we punish them for being human, especially the one defending himself?
What is necessary is a return to corporal punishment in the schools and to stop passing children to the next grade when they have not sustained a high enough grade to pass. Oh I know, many of you gasped when you read that. Those of you who did must have a better idea? Of course, if the child has been expelled from school and is home continually it really places a burden on us (the foster parents) because we are a busy family and The return to corporal into all kinds of volunteer work for the community. Also for some reason, (we know why) many children today feel that it is up to the parents to provide entertainment. It has something to do with the culture we have developed which leans toward ’the feeling that the government is supposed to take care of us’ and it permeates all of society including the kids. Add to that the high-tech automation and computerization of everything. A friend of mine told me her daughter had been given a teddy bear by her grandmother. The child looked it all over, punched it a couple of times and finally asked, "Where is the switch?" If it doesn’t automatically talk to you, run on the floor by itself or flash a few lights, it isn’t a toy. Even the kids have grown used to having everything done for them.
© Chuck Slate
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