Where Do I Start?
Exploring Foster Parenting
Foster parents provide a temporary, safe home for children in crisis. They are part of the child’s support, treatment, and care programs. They are partners of the child’s social worker, attorney, teachers, and doctors. Being a foster parent is not a passive act of opening one’s home and providing food, clothing, and shelter. For some it’s a first step toward adoption.
For others it’s a proactive statement of nurturing, advocacy, and love. But it’s not for everyone.
Children who need foster families have been removed from their birth family homes for reasons of neglect, abuse, abandonment, or other issues endangering their health and/or safety. Many of these children are filled with fear, anger, confusion, or a sense of powerlessness at having been removed from the only home they have ever known. Many are sibling groups, older children, or young teens. Some have developmental, physical, emotional, or behavioral problems.
They all need safe, supportive environments.
Can You?
These are questions to ask yourself before taking the next step:Can you love and care for a child who has come from a difficult background?
- Can you love and care for a child who has come from a difficult background?
- Can you help a child develop a sense of belonging in your home even though the stay is temporary?
- Can you love a child who, because of a fear of rejection, does not easily love you back?
- Are you secure in yourself and your parenting skills?
- Can you set clear limits, and be both firm and understanding in your discipline?
- Do you view bed-wetting, lying, defiance, and minor destructiveness as symptoms of a child in need?
- Can you tolerate major failures and small successes?
- Can you accept assistance and guidance from trained social workers?
- Can you maintain a positive attitude toward a child’s parents; even though many of the problems the child is experiencing is a direct result of the parent’s actions?
- Can you love with all of your heart and then let go?
Financial Assistance
All states offer financial support. The amount varies from state to state, but in all cases, you must be able to prove that your current family needs can be met without having to use any of this income. Many states also offer clothing, daycare and/or day camp allowances.Other Requirements
Requirements to become a foster parent vary from state to state, but this list covers the basics. Be sure to check with the Foster Care Specialist (or equivalent) in your state or province for detailed information.- Be at least 21 years old.
- Have enough room (and beds) in your home for a foster child to sleep and keep his or her belongings.
- Live in a home that can meet basic fire, safety and sanitary standards.
- Be physically and emotionally capable of caring for children and have no alcohol or drug abuse problems.
- Be able to pass a criminal background check and have no substantiated record of abusing or neglecting children.
- Make enough money to provide for your own family, so you do not need to depend on the foster care reimbursement you receive from the state as income.
What Kind of Training is Needed?
Pre-placement training is required to help prepare prospective foster parents for issues that can arise after a child or sibling group is placed with them. Many children bring not only unique special needs, but a history of life experiences that may affect interactions with foster parents, other children in the family, school mates, and others. Issues related to disability, culture, early abuse, birth family members, etc., should be discussed with your social worker to your satisfaction.
These training and licensing programs go by various names (MAPP and others) and online training programs are also available. Check the list of state training requirements, and your foster care specialist can provide more information.
It Isn’t for Everyone
There are many reasons you may not want, or be able, to become a foster parent. Even those with the best intentions have found the demands to be heartbreaking or too disrupting to their households.
Sheri and Bob were foster parents to children from infants to 18 and found that while it was a rewarding experience, it wasn’t something they would choose again.
If you are aware of the potential difficulties as well as the enormous rewards and think foster parenting is for you, consider the different types of foster care, contact your state Foster Care Specialist (or equivalent) to learn about training classes, and other licensing procedures.
A Word About Adoption
According to the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse, 64% of chidren adopted from foster care are adopted by former foster parents. Many approach foster parenting as the first step toward adoption. While foster parents are sometimes the first choice when a child in their care becomes available for adoption, it is wise to listen to the words of an experienced foster parent:There are children who will in fact come to your home and have no one and if you would like to adopt a child like this, wonderful. But, many if not most of these children have families and the objective is to find a safe healthy place within these families for them to live. Don’t try and keep a child who is wanted. Save that space and that place in your heart and home for that child who has no one and, believe me, they are out there.
Additional Reading:
Credits: by Nancy S. Ashe
